No Hogging, Please

So, what’s the story with appetizers? Perhaps more so than any culinary course, they seem to be perpetually at cross purposes with themselves. If one takes the definition of “appetizer” at its word, this is “a food or drink that stimulates the appetite and is usually served before a meal (such as a canape, hors d’oeuvre, aperitif, or cocktail).”

Before they were appetizers, or apps (not to be confused with, you know, that other thing), apps were hors d’oeuvre, which in French translates, gofiguratively, to “outside of work” or “outside of the masterpiece.” The idea of eating food before you eat food to increase your desire to eat food, paradoxicallogical as that may seem, goes back, some think, to the ancient Greeks and Romans. Later, during the Renaissance, physicians recommended eating small morsels of salty meats prior to a meal to “prep” the digestive system and ensure proper digestion. Mind you, these are the same physicians who would pronounce straightfacedly “I’m going to attach these carnivorous/bloodsucking annelid worms to your flesh now. You’ll feel better in no time!”

So, do appetizers function as advertised? Here’s one slightly mystifying answer from Quora:

Appetizers are small in portion which is like sending signal to stomach and all the gastrointestinal tract so that they can accommodate the rush of food, main course and deserts [sic]. It increases appetite but also prevents from sensation and urge of hogging. If you don’t want your customers to hog on food serve them appetizer in buffet or course meal.

Yes, you definitely want to warn your GI parts that the arrival of a more or less barren tract incapable of supporting population without an artificial water supply is imminent. Tongue out of cheek, however, this person is on to something with that “prevents from sensation and urge of hogging.” In truth, it seems, appetizers are diet aids. Eating enough of them prevents prandial and postprandial hogging. Eating them encourages, say, couples to share an entrée and forgo that crème de cacao crème brulee. Rather than stimulate appetite, they destimulate it, acting as sort of hors d’ontvre if you will. So, the problem here is not what appetizers do, it’s their misrepresentation of what they do. The fix is simple. The word just needs to be changed from “appetizer” to “deappetizer.” Let’s call them “dapps” for short, shall we? Bon dappetit!

[Image: Floris van Dyck — The Yorck Project: 10.000 Meisterwerke der Malerei. Public Domain.]